Tuesday, July 5, 2011

This feeling that I'm loving, Yet the after that I'm scared of

Sometimes I hate my myself for falling in love easily
Though now I don't call it love yet
It may be develop into it
Maybe this is just a crush
But even a crush can last for a very long time
Maybe it will never fade
As I still can't forget the boys I've crushed on seriously
As long as I can remember
I've only fallen in love once
I did manage to faden my feeling towards him
But like people always say
First love is unforgettable
Always scared about the after
Regrets, Tears, Shyness and maybe Hatred
Lucky for me to didn't have the hatred
But it was painful to remember
As it comes before I sleep
Sometimes in my dreams
Sometimes when the teacher is teaching
Sometimes when I'm watching a movie
Sometimes when I'm chatting with my girlfriends
Sometimes when I'm chatting with my guyfriends
I did imagined them as the one I fell in love with
And I know it's not fair
But I didn't even realized that my heart did that
Till now I still question myself what are my feelings for what had happened
Most of my friends are happy with their special someone
I'm not wanting to be like them
But as a girl of course I want to be loved
I'm a girl who always remember what her daddy said
Maybe I'm too naive to make my own conclusion
A conclusion that say it's better for me to care for my own self
My daddy did say that I will found someone that I'll love
And that made my heart weaken
Not that I don't want to fall in love or what
It is how I'm going to be open with him about this matter
Sometimes I asked myself
Why do I have a lot of thinking to just fall in love
I answered myself sometimes
I don't want to fall in love for fun
I want to stay with the one I love forever
Now I'm going into this feeling again
The feeling I thought I'll never be able to experience again
I love this feeling
Yet I'm scared of the after
The three biggest break ups that I've seen
I don't think that I can go through it
But how do I know
I'm such a loser in relationship thingy
Pissed me off sometimes
But I learned to accept this fact
Maybe now I should learn how to overcome it
Just hope that this time I can go through it better

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