Wednesday, January 30, 2013

A gift from January

       One evening in January 2013, I suddenly came to realization that I am growing up. I was reading a blog on New Year resolution. Somehow I was touched by her resolutions. I made a to do list few years ago, but I've never did what I wrote. Far from completing the list. So I made my mind that I won't write anymore to do list. It came again to my mind the moment I read the blog. I was lying on my back with my laptop on my stomach, then I rose, put the laptop on my table and started writing a proper resolution. After taking my time, I started to write my resolutions. I stopped after writing three resolutions.
       Something came to me. My tears came out. I am getting older. I've lost some pieces of me. Those pieces are replaced by new pieces of me. Some are good, some are bad. For a moment I feel like I've lost myself. I felt this in December. I thought that it had past but I realized that it will be something I'll remember for the rest of my life. I have to bear with it.
       I never thought that getting older can be this emotional. All this time I've been wanting to be a grown up, but now I have to think twice. Too bad that I can't change what's going to happen. But I was thanking God for giving me this realization. Some people will never realize until it too late.
       My tears were flowing more as I think more of this. I am no longer myself, the one I used to be. The quality in me that I used to adore are fading away.
       I continued writing my resolutions with the hope that I will be able to make it this time. I now realize that life is more complicated than you think it is. But as long as I realize that I'm changing, and as I long as I know that I'm changing towards the better me, I know that I'm on the right track.
       I took a deep breath when I finished writing my resolutions. I'm not gonna lie, I was feeling down for the rest of the day. Even when I left my resolutions on the table and start doing something else, it just won't get of my mind. It took me maybe a few days to really set up my mind for the resolutions, and I have to gather courage and determination from the people around me. I am still gathering them, and I'm starting to live my resolutions.
       I am very thankful of one thing. I feel my faith growing, and it helps me all the time. Praise the Lord for it. This January had been a blessing for me. This is not the only good things that happened on me in January, there is another, maybe many others that I did not realize.
       Thank you January, for this precious gift.

Wednesday, January 9, 2013

2 years on blog

My anniversary on blog had passed about 7 days ago. I remember my first entry was on 3rd January 2011. I had a lot of free times at that time. Because I was so young. eeekk! Haha I was indeed younger than myself now but the main reason why was I just finished my SPM examination.

Did you get my humor? ehehe

Though I'm not blogging so often, though I don't have the enough follower to post something like this, I still want to write about my experience in blogging. Blogging might be as easy as ABC for some people but I don't think so. It's a whole different story for me. After finding out that I didn't like to read something that I won't feel glad to remember, I tried to think of a way of writing that won't disappoint those who came across my blog. Of course I feel like I failed a thousand times, but I guess that's not for me to decide.

I'm glad to say that I found some bits of myself in blogging. I like that feeling when I clicked the 'write a new entry' button without having something in my mind to write. Sometimes I end up writing something that didn't make any sense at all for me, but I published it anyway. They will probably entertain me when I go through my past entries. To see the early stage of my writing on blog. To see how it developed. Kind of like studying myself. This might not make sense for now but after so many years later this will be one of the thing I'll consider as nostalgic.

I have the stubbornness in me. Yes, I found it out through my blogging experience. I refuse to be like this. I refuse to be like that. Those things are things that people will consider completely normal but completely awkward for me. So far I've been able to hold myself back from those things. I won't write about those things but I'll say that I refuse to be on the same level in blogging. By saying on the same level I mean from my perspective of blogging. You might think that the often you post your entry, the better your blog is. I might not think of it the way you do. So I'll stick to my principle. By the way that was just an example. I really think that it's the content of your entry that matter, not how often you post them.

I won't stop blogging yet. Because I know even if my blog is rarely found some people still kindly spend their time to read my entries. I want to thank you all of my readers for willing to do that for me. I'm happy to know that people read me through my blog. Of course I didn't write everything about me but this is still a kind of way to express myself and I'm glad people read my expression. Sometimes I feel like I could die of embarrassment just by thinking of the mistake I made in the language I used and when I feel like I've written something that didn't make any sense at all but I get over it as time flies. It made me work harder so I can write something that is good enough to be presented to the online community. 

Thank you for willing to spend your precious time to read my entry.
Thank you.

Rosy I swear - The Little Columbus

A million faces in million places,
You came and shone right through it all,
And I may be crazy but Rosy I swear,
I never thought life could be so fair.

We are like children,
We go through the seasons,
We laugh we cry we live a life,
And I may be hazy but Rosy I swear,
I think I was living on a prayer.

Cuz sometimes you just have a rainy day,
And sometimes words they seem to have no meaning,
When times are hard days are long,
I will help you along,
Tell a joke, play a game, sing a song.

I was dreamer, a silly believer,
I always found the chance to say,
That the heat of the summer is gonna last forever,
But I guess it never got to stay.

A little while later on a lonely December,
I hope the song will find you well,
And I may be crazy but Rosy I swear,
I'll light up the silver in your hair.

Cuz sometimes you just have a rainy day,
And sometimes words they seem to have no meaning,
When times are hard days are long,
I will help you along,
Tell a joke, play a game, sing a song.

We all get older but we will remember,
No matter how many miles away,
But as long as we know that we can see another day,
Tell a joke, play a game, sing a song.

Cuz sometimes you just have a rainy day,
And sometimes words they seem to have no meaning,
When times are hard days are long,
I will help you along,
Tell a joke, play a game, sing a song.

#Falling for this song over and over 

Thursday, January 3, 2013

Random New Year

It's New Year. Happy New Year! Hope you had a good celebration. Mine was made a day earlier due to a few things. So on the 31st we went to church which I think a good start for the new year.

I'm back in campus and I don't feel good yet. But today is so much better than the first day. It was hard to accept the fact that I was leaving on new year. If I could postpone the date I would've. Oh well. At least things are doing well for me.

I think I lost myself these few days. Things suddenly felt too hard for me. Things were doing fine that nothing can stop me from coming a little later to this place. I lost my writing mood, I lost my appetite, and I think I lost my sanity too.

Right now I'm having instant noodle. I'm not craving. I think my appetite is coming back but I also think that this is due to homesickness. Talking about food, I really need to watch what I eat. I have to lose the extra number I gained during the holiday. Mehh...I ate what I wanted at home and here I have to be really careful.

I kinda feeling bad because my roommate had an accident so she's not coming until next week. I feel bad because I enjoy having the room for me alone. I feel so free. I can act as crazy as I want and let my tension burst out whenever I want. It just feel so good. I'm sorry roommate.

To tell you the truth, I don't really know what I'm writing. I just feel like I should write and now is the time for it. So I think I should end this here. Happy New Year and wish you'll have a good year.