Monday, August 22, 2011


Out of the poetic mode today >.^

So, what's up? I've been away from home for two months and will be back this Friday. Yeah, Keningau I'm coming. Kinda tired of living here without family but I still have five years here. Tawau is best ba, got it's own attraction, but i haven't figured it out yet. But what I'm sure is I can say that I love Tawau. But Keningau is still in my heart.
Let see, what are the must do in Keningau?
(I do not sequence these based on my priority)
1. go to pasar malam.
2. go to beloved hiap
3. go to keningau mall n have my favourite bubble tea
4. Play with the kancil...huu..wonder if can still drive it
5. go to church...where my heart is the calmest
6. of course home...miss my bed and cabinet already...
7.go to cosway...haha...gonna borong  a few things there
what else...a lot actually but it will took me maybe forever...hahaha

Oh yeah, and HARI RAYA is round the corner!
mean that I'm going Ranau! yeah
can't wait for the 3 hours journey with daddy as the driver.
and a whole night without sleep with my cousins ...chit chatting about current things happening and rockin' the night with fireworks..if we have them this year..miahaha
one thing that I'm sure...a ton of pictures just like always...
lemang, ketupat, rendang...oh my...tapun tapun

so yeah
selamat hari raya everyone and for my classmate who going back too
have a safe journey okey...ciao!

Thursday, August 18, 2011

Invisible...even to me

What am I feeling?
I myself don't even know
Yes the heart is inside of me
But still it is very hideous
For every feeling they are making
No sign they will give me
And when the feeling is finally out
I'll have no idea what feeling it is
I try I try I try
But feel like it keep worsening
And it's not you
It's not your fault
It just me
Just me who can't accept you
I'm okay, though you might not care
But sometimes the way you throw your words are cruel
You do not think it is
And I do not want to think so
But my mind often beaten by my heart
I can always deal with it
But when it is everyday
I can stray from my way
For I got my own reasons
When I say something
When I say I cannot
When I have to cancel a plan
What I did
Are not always what I wanted to do
What I'll do
Are the things that I'll need to deal with
Take it or leave it
And in this kind of life
I know I cannot walk alone
I know that have you, you, you, you,you
I am sorry
If I am not the kind of friend you want
Or the kind of friend that you expect me to be
I'll keep trying to get along with you guys
In fact
I feel secure the most when I am with you guys
I am my true self when I am with you
the first one who I being open to
The one I know even before coming here
Till now I'm still grateful you are here with me
The one I know the longest
I never thought we'll be together here with them
And to be able to know you more
Always made my days
When I heard your name for the first time
I know that it was you she talked about
I never thought that you'll be someone I'm close to
And I always adore you
Always make me laugh somehow
When you are so determined
And when you try to tease playfully with us
And it didn't happen as you wanted it to be
It became funnier
Do you know that?

But still
No one can avoid the feeling of weariness
The feeling of unwanted
The feeling of leaving
And mine are now mixed
Maybe it will take times
To separate them
And examine them one by one
To see why do they exist
Should I just throw them all
And start a new beginning?

I shall take out the unneeded
And take only the precious one
And I'll live this life
No matter how hard the obstacles are
And I believe that the invisible
Will be visible one day
I'll keep hoping for the day
When I live live life the way I should
With you
and especially
you, you, you, you, and you

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Maybe I shouldn't make a conclusion

Heart heart O heart
Why do you have to be so hideous
You are in me yet I'm blur about my own feeling
One second you said that it is love
One second you said that it is not
One second you said that it is maybe a little crush
Then another second you said that it is nothing
You said that I hate him
But then you made me feel heavenly when I saw him
Or sitting next to me
Even when he passed by without any greeting to me
Dizziness starting to fly into the air
And I don't know if I can overcome this
For I know that your game is going to be tougher
Than the one you gave me during schooldays
And sometimes
You made me jealous for someone that I don't even have a  crush on
It burdens me
For I know that it is not right
I am tired of the feelings you gave me
They had ended up mixed together
It hurts to see them
Like seeing mixed yarns leftover
No no no
I can't say anything for now
And I will take the 'for now'
Until you want to give me the real feeling
Until I can see clearly
What is inside of you
But please help me
Help me to get through this
Please stop the questions
If my life is messy
I don't want this to be the reason

Monday, August 8, 2011

It changed into hatred, but somehow I can still feel love

Yesterday morning
It was Sunday
In the church
I saw you when I turn back 
You weren't looking
And I said to myself
Oh, It's him 
The Eucharist ends for the day
And I made my bow for Him
I walked with my friends towards you and the other
And at that time
I saw you make your way
And you wore your white shirt
There's a string in my heart 
Starting to make a sound
I tried so hard to hide the sound
I did it
But maybe my face didn't
You were the only one I'm thinking about at that time
Suddenly felt sorry for how I treated your friend yesterday
Really sorry for didn't pay attention at what he was saying
Though it was a simple "hi"
 Yet till now I still think of you more 

When you walked into the class just now
Once again the string sings
A melody that might 
Woken up the feeling that I buried

It changed into hatred, but somehow I can feel love
Maybe it just a game of the heart
That I have to accept
For I can't seem to control my own heart anymore
Yet I will try
And I believe that I can

Dear you
Please be you
You that I know earlier

Monday, August 1, 2011

Dear Friends

Known you for only two month plus
But it feels like we've known each other for years
A lot of similarities
A lot of differences
Yet we are still together
You are there when we laugh like there's no tomorrow
You are there when I'm longing for my family
You are there when I need to cry myself out
You are there when I'm feeling scary
And you always concerns about me
And you never says no when I need help
I made mistakes and you helped me to correct them
You tells me every single things I have no idea about
Your smiles always made my days
I think of you more than as a friend
You do annoys me
You makes me want to hug you as if you're a giant teddy bear
Looking at you reminds of my family
Looking at you makes me think 'have we met before?'

But the most important things...
You treats me the way you want
You accepts me the way I am
You made me feel at home
And you made me smile
A true smile

Sorry for any discomforts I may had caused
And I hope that we'll be friends forever

Happy Friendship Day !

For All of my TESLian Buddies!