Saturday, April 27, 2013

The Ugly Duckling ...

I thought that I'll put aside all of the courage I've gained and make it alright for me to say things out...

I remember that feeling when I entered a room and all eyes are on me. Whispers are heard, mouth are covered and quiet chuckle were all over the room. I am probably the subject of their humor. Maybe it is stupid to say this but, back then I didn't know what I felt. More like I didn't know what to feel. What to think of it. I can't even tell myself that they were treating me badly.
I remember that one time, I was scolded. My books were ruined. How can it not? A bottle of water was poured into my bag. My newly bought Faber Castle were tossed away from the window. Two girls constantly asking money from me when I barely have enough for myself. I was just a child who were are afraid to speak. You see, that stupid girl innocently thought that there were joking but I was the one to face the music all alone. Crying myself to sleep. Turning my head to the left and to the right when they asked me what had happened at school, just because I was afraid that I'll be facing a bigger problem.
Last year I was told that one thing about a woman. That one thing that brings out all of these memories that I thought are gone. What I heard was really upsetting. I really thought that she had loved me just like the other. I was just a burden in the room. That I was not like anyone else in the class and I realized that it was okay for me to hate her. To hate that room. To hate everyone inside the room. The other 49 look as if they are a nice kid, but the truth is, they were not very nice at all.

As a kid, I could not stop thinking why. Why did they do that to me? Were there something wrong with me? Why can't they take me the way they did with the other kid?

I do realize
I did realize
That I look different than other
That I was not good at all
But I did try to get into the circle.

What I am trying to say here is, I was just trying to get along.

The ugly duckling was just trying to get along ...