Sunday, July 14, 2013

~Love~ Blog Challenge Day 14


It’s been a while since I’ve been trying to avoid using the word ‘Love’ when it comes to relationship, except with my families. I find it easy to say “I love this book!’ and “I love this scent!’ but when it comes to the stage after friendship, it’s suddenly a hard word to relate to. I can never be sure of my feeling when it comes to such matter. Or maybe, it’s more like I’m afraid to allow myself to feel like that.

Earlier this year, I had a hard period regarding to this word. It feels as if I've lost the spark. As if I can never feel anything about it anymore. I was down for quite some times. I keep telling myself that maybe, maybe He is taking my feeling for a while, until He’s sure that I can handle it. I keep that in my heart to everywhere I go.

Somehow He gave it back to me recently, but I still can’t figure it out. I can’t seem to figure out my own feeling yet. I’m scared when I think of it. I’m scared. All my insecurities, all my doubts, all my fears, I can feel them dwelling in me. I’m trying to get rid of those things… but I can never be sure if I’ll succeed.

When it comes to such matter, at least two souls are involved. I’m sorry to all of you. The guilt, the apology, is on me. I’m sorry.

Saturday, July 13, 2013

Pictures of the day ~ Blog Challenge Day 13


Since I'm out today, I'll be posting random picturesSince I rarely post any pictures, so this challenge is quite fun for me ^^


~These are some of the pictures that I hold dearly in my heart~




One of my favourite pictures with the seniors. This one is taken by Bumbum on our Welcoming Junior at St. Paul. I was one of the juniors celebrated. Seniors in this picture are Bara, Montuk and Dera.
This event was the start of my real journey in my faith ^^


It's blurry as my camera is not suitable for this kind of scene, and I'm don't have the skill. But I'm putting a 'yet' back there.
It was 23/06/2013. The day we were told that Super Moon would appear. Well, it was 'super' enough for me. It was still visible when I stepped out of my room at 5 am.
I smiled as I made my way to the bathroom.

I was trying the jelly lens given by my sister. It is quite fun actually. This is one of my favourite. I love the dark edges. Truth is I haven't use this thing a lot yet, therefore my choice is limited. 

The old hospital.
I used to play with my sisters and neighbours at this place. My old place was close to this hospital so it was one of our playground back then. To think that I hate hospital now, is quite saddening for me.
The service in this hospital now is only for those with dental problem. But I don't know for sure, since it has been a long time since I visited this place.

Friday, July 12, 2013

well… ~ Blog Challenge Day 12

~Allow me to be a little bit too emotional~

If I am brave enough
I would have said everything I wanted to, to him.
I would have turned a deaf ear to what people say about him.
I would have confronted him face to face.
I would have started talking to him again and maybe,
Maybe…
Maybe if I was brave enough
I would have owned him even just for a while...

Thursday, July 11, 2013

Bad Habits ~ Blog Challenge Day 11

I need to write about bad habits. Oh, I have loads of them...

I have more than you can imagine…

~Minor bad habits~

1.      Letting the music plays all night.
2.      Sniffing excessively on detergents. Explanation! I don’t always do this. Only when it’s citrus :p
3.      Doodle on my hands.
4.      Leave my phone everywhere.
5.      Hide foods.
6.      Being clumsy in everything.
etc……

~Major bad habits~

I’ll let them stay a secret.
I’m not going to reveal everything ^^


It's everyone's secret anyway...

Wednesday, July 10, 2013

Life Outside ~ Blog Challenge Day 10

~ Live to your definition of life ~

Nothing too great I must say. My routine is almost the same. I meet the same people everyday but amazingly I never feel bored. In my previous post, I mentioned that I didn’t have the kind of life that people would describe as ‘life’. Nevertheless, I think I still have life. I think I still live and feel the same way. Well, I began to actually go out with my friends. They opened up my eyes to every possibility in our life.

One thing about me, I enjoy time of my own. That’s why sometimes when I’m out to town with my friends, I tend to walk alone. It’s challenging and it’s comfortable. I’ll get to see things from my own perspective and I have time to think, to hear what I truly feel at that time, and I can see what are the things happening around me. I just happen to find comfort in that way.

Of course I do go out with my friends. I don’t walk alone that often. At most of the time, I’ll be walking here and there with them. We’ll decide where we’ll eat and what to do to kill time.  Sometimes, we’ll just waste time at any random restaurant. We ordered drinks only and sit there for like almost an hour. I feel bad sometimes but hey, I bought drinks. Sometimes, we’ll just enter any random store and linger, then we’ll 
come out empty handed. I lied. I’ll probably get something that I will never use. Girls’ problem.

Again, it’s hard for me to actually open up about these things. It sounds too personal but I take this as the opportunity to make a few things clearer to those around me.


That’s all for now … Goodnight ^^ 

Tuesday, July 9, 2013

Friendship ^^ ~ Blog Challenge Day 9

~ Friendship is the colour of your life
It leads you to every other aspects of life ~



It has always been hard for me to mix with people. I have the kind of experiences that made me feel like that. Mostly when I was in primary school but of course life won’t stay the same, so here I am now feeling excited to write more on this topic.

When it comes to friendship, I try not to get too attached to only one group of friend. I mean, won’t it be nice if you can be everybody’s friend? I’m close to my girls here in IP but I also tried to get along with everyone. It’s always a wonderful feeling when you get to see your friends smile without any worries. For me, friends are your family when you’re far from home. So it’s necessary to take care of their feeling without sacrificing your own. That’s one of my lessons so far.

Whenever I’m with my friends, I tend to give my attentions to them alone. Things are like this for me, I get lost in the state I’m currently in. Therefore, when I’m in IP, I rarely try to connect to my friends in my hometown. When I’m back in my hometown, it’s the other way around. I prefer to communicate face to face, though it’s rather hard when it becomes too emotional. It’s not only me right? I have trouble in saying things directly at others. I’d rather write and let them guess. Maybe that’s my weakness as a friend, but knows that I’ll try to be a good friend. I’ll try to make you feel like you are my friend, just like what they did to me ^^

Dear you and you and you and you
Thank you for being my friend
Know that even if places and commitments may separate us
You’ll always be in my heart, in my memory
For the time being, let’s make some memories while we’re still together

God bless you my friends :)

Monday, July 8, 2013

Families ^^ ~ Blog Challenge Day 8

            I don’t really like to talk about my family.  I mean, they are too precious for me that I tend to keep my most honest opinion about them to myself. I usually share the funny ones only. It just doesn’t feel right to make it public publicly. Nevertheless, I still feel excited since this is something.

          Family or kazoku in Japanese, is my top priority in life. The reason I didn’t have the kind of life that people would describe as ‘life’ before was I tend to stay at home with them. It always come to my thought that later on, when I pursue my study, I won’t be able to stay 24/7 at home and feel the kind of comfort you can only get from home. So I tried to make my times at home as worth as possible. I and my sisters are not allowed to own handphone before we finish our SPM. That wasn’t a disadvantage for us because we can go online to connect to our friends. We actually had time for each other. I remember those days waiting for the quiet of the nights to come and I and my sister will tell each other what happened in school that day. I was the only one who went to Malay school. I usually stay alone at home after school, so I used that time to do chores and watch youtube videos. That was my routine for at least two years. Sometimes I’ll try to bake with my very poor skill, so of course my baking weren’t good at all but my sisters ate them anyway. That’s one thing about me and my sisters, we don’t care if our baking doesn’t look like the way it is supposed to be. As long as it tastes good, we’ll eat them. I remember them fighting over the poor pizza I tried to bake. Haha. I remember the pandan cake my sister bake, she experimented it with almond and as a result, it was too sweet. The only two people who ate the cake were me and my father. We keep saying that the almond is a great idea. Oh, I guess I’m sharing another thing here, I love my mother’s pumpkin cake. Oh, I’m craving now.  

           I like to call myself as the Head Princess, as I’m the eldest among five daughters. Yeap, we’re all girls. Last year’s holiday, four of us bought the same style of clothes. The only difference was the colour. The last one didn’t get one because my mom bought her a few Barbie’s CDs and new Barbie’s bag and a few other new stuffs. Plus, there was no size for her and teenagers’ style would look awkward on little kid. The shop owner asked us, if we’re friends and we were like okay…awkward moment there.

When I came to Tawau two years ago, I slowly develop friendship with my two new families here. They’re the TESL family and St. Paul family.

~TESL Family~

Since there’re only 49 of us, it’s easy to get along with everyone. Of course I needed time, in fact I still need it but I can say that our bond is quite strong. I don’t worry much as we still have time to really deepen our bond. We have 3 person walked out of the campus, but I know that they aren’t walking out from our family. Earlier this year, 2 people came in and now they’re part of us too.

~St.Paul Family~

They are the reason I feel motivated to come back to Tawau whenever our holiday ends. There’s this feeling I’ll always get when we get together. I can’t describe the way I feel but you can be sure that I’m comfortable with it. Being the eldest, I’ve always wanted older brothers and sisters. Here in this family, I feel blessed to have all of them. I can finally be the little sister. They are the greatest blessing I get here.