pfft...

Why do you have to come in the middle of the night?
When I'm most tired to grab a pen and jot them down
Ended up sleeping thinking of it
Then next day afternoon remember about it
and realize the idea is gone.

Well, to calm myself
writing a sequel for the story I wrote during form 4
~pfftt
haven't even finish A.Di.Bu
It's been 4 years now...

In a mood of writing :)

So yeah
Tadaima! I'm home peeps!
Including today, I have 4 more days of holiday then I'll be going back to Tawau.
At the moment I'm trying to do all that I most likely won't be able to do at Tawau like, cooking, waking up late(not too late tho), taking a one hour bath(just hyperbole... hee), and...lots more
This morning I followed my mom to send my aunts and grandma back to the village. Supposed to be yesterday but the weather weren't so good. We left after sending my sister to kindergarten, it was around 8 a.m and arrive at 9.18 a.m..I slept all the way...muahaha! On our way home home I couldn't sleep at all, maybe because I already slept. hehe. But I'm pretty sure it was because of the nescafe I drank while I was there. I know I shouldn't drink it but was testing if my body can accept it. Still not, huh. I got dizzy all the way home and I think I nearly puke. hoho.
The only thing that keep me excited about going back to Tawau is our Tesl night, and oh, my friends too! I've been with them for four months I think we developed our friendship well. Hope it will stay like that. Can't to have girl time at 207 with the six of us and...play monopoly. hahaha!
About the Tesl night, hopefully the night will be one of our best memory! and of course, one of the best thing when it's come to something like this is looking for dresses and accessories. Gosh! right now I have little problem with the dress and I hope it won't get bigger! fingerscross!
Anyway, I just hope that good things will happen and whatever happen after this, I hope I'll be able to face it.
Ciao!

I think I'm letting it all here...not really eh?

On rainy days like this, what is better than reminiscing the past?

And I've been deleting all that I have typed....

Bring me with you

As I took the seat
Your shadow took the place next to me
and I can see you laughing all you want
and my tears fall.
You weren't by my side
will never be by my side again
I can only see you smile
from the pictures you left.
I can only hear your voice
from the videos recorded.
We'll no more 'together'
I can only reminisce the time we spent together.
I'll be sleeping in these clothes you sew for me.
I'll take care of them
Because you won't be able to sew new ones.
No more watching you using your sewing machine.
No more running from the teachers
who would ask if you're sewing were still available.
And the love that you knew I have for you
I'll never be able to say face to face to you.

You're sleeping, right there beside your brother
Uncle, take care of her
She was always sick
and that's why she had to sleep.
She'll never wakes up again, I know
And I used to wish that she will take me along
would you let me?

I love you
Forever.

your voice ;)

Love your voice so much
Keep replaying the record
Could it be that your voice is the voice I was looking for?
XD I just simply like your voice

5 years ago....

It was almost 12 p.m. I was walking with Angel, heading towards the school. We were two form 1 students who were eager to go to school everyday. Maybe because homework weren't given too much yet. The lessons were not complicated yet. But for me, there were one more reason.


Me: Help me today, Angel.
Angel: Okay, help you with what?


I grinned shyly a little. Then told her my plan. She will have to go to my classmate, and tell him that I like him. She must do it without telling me when she is going to tell him, to make it look natural. She will tell him that I know nothing about she telling him my feeling.
I thought that I must tell him, so that I won't regret it later. Though I did not sure how will it be, when he finally knows. Will I say yes if he want a relationship? Will we stay quiet about it and be good friends, just like our recent relationship? What if daddy finds out about it? Or what if mommy finds out about it? She teach our class! seriously I didn't know what gave me courage to proceed with the plan.


In the class, I went through the day like usual. Angel too. I didn't know why but when I think again about my plan I felt some discomfort in my heart. I look at Angel who was with another classmate, and I suddenly hope that she forgot about the plan. It was too late to suddenly pull her out of the class and cancel the plan. Thinking back about it now, I can actually do so but I was so dumb. Maybe if I did so, I won't have to face the consequences.


Almost 6 p.m and we walked home from school. I used the courage that I began to accumulate since the last bell to ask her.


Me: Angel, you didn't tell him. Right?
Angel: I did.


At that time my heart weakened. She did. She really did told him. Oh my God, I'm so stupid! Why didn't I think properly? What will happen next? How am I going to face him tomorrow? and the day after tomorrow, and the day after the day after tomorrow? It was so...


As I said bye to her that evening, my heart starting to get weaker. To go home knowing that I know I did something that I shouldn't. Maybe it's normal to others. But it's kinda not okay with me. I made a vow to myself, to never be in relationship before SPM. Plus, he is not someone I should be with.


That night I sleep thinking about every possibility that might happen the next day. Or maybe later on. How are we going to face each other.


I don't really remember the next day, but what I know is everything went through as usual. Except for the last day of school, before the mid-term holiday.


There were no teacher entering the class, and everyone was super excited for holiday. He gave something. It was a manila card, cut and glued to make a cylinder shape. I know that there must be something in it. Written there, open only when it's 6 p.m. And one more things written, 'It's bomb'. I laughed and make the dumb face. Something is going to happen, I knew. But I sill feel the excitement to open what he gave me.


As soon as I reached home, I put all my belongings in my room. Then I headed to the side of my home. It wasn't 6 p.m yet so I decided to enjoy the sunset. Thought that it was so beautiful. I like the colour of the sky when it is sunset. When it was finally 6 p.m, I open the gift ( should I call it so? oh well...) I open the cylindrical shaped manila card.


I found a kind of digital watch, grey, with smiley face. A  letter was in it too. My heart started to beat faster when I'm reading the letter.
I don't have the letter anymore but in that letter, he asked me. Do you really like me? Angel told me that you like me. That was the only clear question that I remember. Because you what? After I read the letter, I became too happy, and then too afraid. That threw away the letter. Afraid that daddy might finds about it. That night, I tried so hard to forget about it. But the next day I still think about it.


When holidays over, I went to school again. (Of course, I can't escape right?) But when I enter the class, I didn't greet him. We never talked to each other again. I mean like we used to be. The matter were kept quiet until now.


****

Thinking about it now, I was just a girl who knew nothing about love. Sometime I laugh, sometime I cry, sometime I confused when I rethink about it. What was my feeling? I myself can't be sure. 

****

What I know now is, he was the first one.  I like it when he's laughing, I like it when he's serious, I like it when he's shy. He wasn't the intelligent one. His handwriting was worse than mine. He was not the type guy a girl wants, but he was the first one. 

I learn the do's and don'ts in love in terrible ways. 

****

That was 5 years ago...

Now I should learn how to love...and maybe find a new one

So far...

 the hardest thing to do here is 
accepting the fact that I'm being jealous