Captured with Olive san ^^

~It has been a long time since I post something with pictures~

~So here are some of  my favourite pictures~

^_^

National Park with Soleha and Beatrice.

Last day at Kg. Kaung.

SYD 3 with the seniors.

Early morning in Holy Cross Toboh.

Holy Cross Toboh during SYD 3.

View from my room. I was playing with the effect. 

Before going to St. Paul, Balung. My strength ^^

Celine, Wewen, Lion, Lelen, Echa
My girls^^

My friends rehearsing.

One of my most favourite. You can see why.

I've been constantly deleting my last words for this entry. Guess I don't have anything left to say because those pictures did their job.

Hope you enjoyed those pictures ^^

                           

an entry ^^

~I never thought that campus activity could take my time that much~

I've left this blog for a while but right now I am sitting in my living room. The tv is on and 'Phineas and Ferb' is in the air. I paid my sleep and spent the whole day crocheting. This feeling of being home is so good.
The holiday has started and I feel so good. The start of my holiday was very special. I am blessed to join the camp^^. I shall talk about it in another entry.
Last semester was quite hard on me. There were so many things I couldn't manage but I get to move on somehow. It felt as if I just started campus again, from zero. I had no clue about what will happen at most of the time. I felt terrible at my study, I fought terribly with someone and I that something I was afraid of came true. If I should draw a straight line resembling my first semester of degree program, you'll see that there were a lot of ups and downs. If I should list down everything I've been through, I won't be able to remember everything or...Or more like I don't want to remember them.
But to think of it again, straight line is boring and the things I don't want to remember now might be the most precious memories in the future. The ones that I'll hold dearly in my heart. So I'll take notes on last semester and be ready to face what the next seven semesters have for me.
~That's all for this entry and happy holiday~

The Ugly Duckling ...

I thought that I'll put aside all of the courage I've gained and make it alright for me to say things out...

I remember that feeling when I entered a room and all eyes are on me. Whispers are heard, mouth are covered and quiet chuckle were all over the room. I am probably the subject of their humor. Maybe it is stupid to say this but, back then I didn't know what I felt. More like I didn't know what to feel. What to think of it. I can't even tell myself that they were treating me badly.
I remember that one time, I was scolded. My books were ruined. How can it not? A bottle of water was poured into my bag. My newly bought Faber Castle were tossed away from the window. Two girls constantly asking money from me when I barely have enough for myself. I was just a child who were are afraid to speak. You see, that stupid girl innocently thought that there were joking but I was the one to face the music all alone. Crying myself to sleep. Turning my head to the left and to the right when they asked me what had happened at school, just because I was afraid that I'll be facing a bigger problem.
Last year I was told that one thing about a woman. That one thing that brings out all of these memories that I thought are gone. What I heard was really upsetting. I really thought that she had loved me just like the other. I was just a burden in the room. That I was not like anyone else in the class and I realized that it was okay for me to hate her. To hate that room. To hate everyone inside the room. The other 49 look as if they are a nice kid, but the truth is, they were not very nice at all.

As a kid, I could not stop thinking why. Why did they do that to me? Were there something wrong with me? Why can't they take me the way they did with the other kid?

I do realize
I did realize
That I look different than other
That I was not good at all
But I did try to get into the circle.

What I am trying to say here is, I was just trying to get along.

The ugly duckling was just trying to get along ...

Things Unspoken

               Even when the lips are silent, the body is still, and the face doesn’t react, doesn’t mean the heart doesn’t beat, doesn't complain, and doesn’t cry. 

It tries to hide countless emotion all the time.

 All the time.

 Sometime it gets tired too. 

That’s why sometime out of the blue, the lips, the body and face suddenly blurted out things you never want to hear, or things you never knew existed. 

 It happens to all of us. 

We might have differences in the kind of secrets and bruises we hid, but all of us had something in common. We all have things unspoken in our heart.  

... and here I go again

I hope that we'll meet accidentally in the airport, accidentally have the same flight, and accidentally sit next to each other. You'll be mine until it is time for the plane to land. 

So that I may realize once again that it wrong to hope for you, so I might remember why did I do what I did.

Blame him, blame the songs, blame the movies, blame the surrounding, blame everything for reminding me about you.

I like to see him in red

I like to see him in red

He was in the red team

I was in the blue team

Watching him from the other side.

I wish him victory

But I can’t let my team down

So I’ll just watch him from the other side

And I like to see him in red.

I passed by the basketball court this morning

And suddenly his shadow appeared

All of those memories rushed out from their hiding

Made me realize once more that I love you.

I love you for who you are

It’s not the colour that you wear

It’s only a part of it

I love your awful voice when you sing

I love your blushing cheek when you’re shy and

I love your bad handwriting on my paper.

~I thought that it would be nice to start this February with some of my first lovey dovey poem~

~I don't even remember when it was written~

A gift from January

       One evening in January 2013, I suddenly came to realization that I am growing up. I was reading a blog on New Year resolution. Somehow I was touched by her resolutions. I made a to do list few years ago, but I've never did what I wrote. Far from completing the list. So I made my mind that I won't write anymore to do list. It came again to my mind the moment I read the blog. I was lying on my back with my laptop on my stomach, then I rose, put the laptop on my table and started writing a proper resolution. After taking my time, I started to write my resolutions. I stopped after writing three resolutions.
       Something came to me. My tears came out. I am getting older. I've lost some pieces of me. Those pieces are replaced by new pieces of me. Some are good, some are bad. For a moment I feel like I've lost myself. I felt this in December. I thought that it had past but I realized that it will be something I'll remember for the rest of my life. I have to bear with it.
       I never thought that getting older can be this emotional. All this time I've been wanting to be a grown up, but now I have to think twice. Too bad that I can't change what's going to happen. But I was thanking God for giving me this realization. Some people will never realize until it too late.
       My tears were flowing more as I think more of this. I am no longer myself, the one I used to be. The quality in me that I used to adore are fading away.
       I continued writing my resolutions with the hope that I will be able to make it this time. I now realize that life is more complicated than you think it is. But as long as I realize that I'm changing, and as I long as I know that I'm changing towards the better me, I know that I'm on the right track.
       I took a deep breath when I finished writing my resolutions. I'm not gonna lie, I was feeling down for the rest of the day. Even when I left my resolutions on the table and start doing something else, it just won't get of my mind. It took me maybe a few days to really set up my mind for the resolutions, and I have to gather courage and determination from the people around me. I am still gathering them, and I'm starting to live my resolutions.
       I am very thankful of one thing. I feel my faith growing, and it helps me all the time. Praise the Lord for it. This January had been a blessing for me. This is not the only good things that happened on me in January, there is another, maybe many others that I did not realize.
       Thank you January, for this precious gift.