Let people be//////Let it happen, naturally

I have to remind myself all the times that I am a completely different person than the rest of 7 billion people covering the earth. I don't even know if I get it right. The point here is I'm different from any of them. Something about human nature might shows us doing and having the same thoughts but no hearts and no brains are exactly the same.

It's normal for us to feel out of place to feel   .....

That was written a few days ago when I'm writing this very sentence you're reading. I have my maybe latest opinion now, maybe that's what I should call it. These words that I'm going to type is what I want to say right now but it doesn't feel right to delete my earlier thoughts. They're still related.

"We are too focused on making this world a better place by changing the people around us; changing them into something that we thought are going to make this world better. Truth is, there are over 7 billion people living on this earth and our minds work differently. When 7 billion people are starting to change the world with their mind alone, there are going to be 7 billion causes of chaos. You see, the start of a war can come from one small soul. Imagine 7 billion people; we'll lose our earth."

I'm not being pessimist about making changes. Changes happens over times. It's natural. It has to happen. So let it be natural. How does the natural things work here? Well, it will happen naturally.

Personally, I have faith that prayer helps. it helps me to be natural in the way I'm supposed to be.

p.s I might have ignored my grammar. forgive me.

Gifts

***

Sometimes it was too late when we finally open the gift.

We had all the time, but then we leave it in the darkest place in our locker, or maybe we chose to just ignore it even when the gift is right in front of us.

But that didn't stop the magic from happening.

While we were ignoring it, the magic spell grows stronger and its charm becomes more captivating.

That moment when you finally decide to unwrap it

Is when you finally realize what have been missing from your life.

That little piece of puzzle is now found and

For the first time you feel joy in a way you thought you’ll never be able to.

Sometimes, it is better that way.

Maybe it was meant to be that way.

So that you will appreciate your gift even more...

So that you know what you’re really into...

So that you know the worth of the Gift that will always be yours.

***

Appreciate your gift

Unwrap it 

Share it with your brothers and sisters

***

Too Late

The moment I've been waiting for is finally tomorrow. I’ll tell her, that I still love her.

                She is probably inside, with the other, working on another theater. She is probably among the most senior in the group. The fact that she has gained her degree and got a job does not stop her from doing what she like the most. I questioned her before, why didn't she study art if that’s what she like the most. Her answer startled me. Her parents wanted her to have an office job, where it’s comfortable, you’ll be protected under the roof and you won’t suffer from working all day under the sun. So she went for it. And those years spent studying what she think will complete her life, brought her to this group. They were walking around, looking for ideas. That was when they came across an audition. The bright poster made her walk into the building and sign up for the audition. She did everything she was told to. While she auditioned, her friends’ jaw dropped, the judges too. But I was mesmerized in a way I won’t be able to explain. The way she transformed into a fair maiden, and return to her actual self. I won’t be able to forget that day. A voice whispered to me, and though I’m not sure did I hear it for real or was it my imagination, I heard a voice said, that’s her, yours. Mine.

                The first person I met in the room was Harry. He is the senior in the group too. I haven’t seen him in a year so we were both surprised to see how we have changed. It seems like his habit of going to the gym had done wonders toward him. He is no longer that skinny, tall, four eyed guy. I bet if he got those six packs he dreamed off under his shirt now. Good for him. As for me, I still look the same I guess. I did nothing much since last year except learning how to be a student again. Worth it I guess. I got that master in my hand right now and I’m sure I’ll be able to do more with our group. Well, if they still count me as one of them. I sure hope they do. I sure hope that she does.

                As I peeked into the girls’ dressing room, I look for one familiar face. The room is empty but I know that someone is still in there. When I see her, she will be either reading or drawing her ideas for the costumes. It has always been like that. She will be here, even when there is no show, no practice, and no other businesses to be done. So I stepped into the room. One step, two steps, three steps. There she is. She had her book in her hands, a few dresses on her lap and a mug of hot chocolate drink on her table next to her. The dim light reflected on the ring in her hand. She lifted her head slowly. That look on her face, when she saw it was me, who was standing on front of her. I hope I didn't shock her too much.

                She had worn a few different rings before, and she bought them all. She wears them just for fun, just because she loves all those designs. No doubt that the one she is wearing right now is just one of her collections.  But unfortunately, I doubt that doubt. If I’m not mistaken, I saw her lips tremble. Her eyes locked at mine. That brown eyes, beautifully framed by her eyelashes. As our eyes meet, I started to gather all the courage to ask her that question. My legs feel weak! Too weak that I know I can’t stand for long. I walked slowly and rest my legs when I finally sit next to her. Slowly, I opened my numb jaw.

                “How are you?” I think my lips tremble, but I hope I look cool in front of her.

                She lifted both of her shoulders, smiled and says “You see me now.”

                I wanted to get closer but I reached for her hands instead, and filled in my fingers in between hers. It feels so warm, the way it has always been. And instantly, her smile feels warmer too.

                There’s just something about the ring on her finger. It’s like I've seen it before. It’s like… and suddenly my eyes are wide open. Please don’t, please, please tell me that I’m wrong. Tell me I didn't saw the same diamond on Harry’s finger just now.

                I brought her hands closer to my face. My eyes shifted from her eyes, then to the ring and then to her eyes again. Our eyes did the talking. My heart crumbled a few moments later. Two drops of tears fall running down her cheeks as she nodded. I keep looking at her as she pulled her hands away. The only sound I hear for the next few moments is her sob.

                Ten minutes later, I was already outside the building. Slowly, I got into the car, but then I hit the gas as hard as I can. Driving the car home, I wished I’d lose control but I arrived home safely. And when I opened the front door, I stepped onto an invitation. That was when my tears fall. I cried as I laid my back on the back of the door.

                This feeling in my heart, the heat I feel on my face, the cold sweat behind my neck, the way my arms shiver, how I can’t feel my legs. My evening ended perfectly terrible.

                She have made her choice, therefore I shall let her go her own way. The sun is not up yet and the plane is still a few hours ahead but I’m already at her doorstep. Of course I won’t knock; I’m not that cruel to ruin her most meaningful day. Though, I really wanted to do so. And I stood there feeling helpless. Staring at the wooden door, I imagine her slowly come out, in white dress, and she draws that sweet smile on her face.

                In front of this door, I asked her out for the first time. On our third date, she let me hug her for the first time. I used to wait for her all night, just to clear that little misunderstanding. So many things happened, and I wouldn't mind going through it all over again. I hold my breath as I put down the blue box and envelope that I've brought. I can’t afford to see her again. Not when I know that I can’t make her mine anymore.

I as walked away, I look up at the sky. I should start a new life, but not today. Let me reminisce the time I had with her, and the future that I wasn't able to make a reality. I’m not sure if I’ll ever move on, but let me think of her today… I promise that there’ll be an end, but it is surely not today.

Her Engagement Day

...because I couldn't focus in finishing my assignments, I think I better find a good excuse. So here I am. 

This year I had the chance to celebrate Raya with my cousins. I missed it last year but I had no regret because I was joining SYD-3.

This year's Raya was not only Raya for us, but it was also our head cousin's engagement! We were all so excited for her. I guess we're all excited since she is the first among us to get engaged. Her engagement was kinda my experiment. I have to start learning so why don't I start with the closest ones to me right?

The last picture is definitely my favourite. I love the way her happiness reflected through her smile.
 If you notice, the ketupat is quite small. I was getting frustrated because I couldn't find a wide enough leaf to make a normal sized ketupat so I thought why don't I give it a try. Worth it, it looked cute enough in my eyes. Plus, it was my first time doing it. muehehe.
There, I finally wrote something.
Now I better get back to my assignments. Thank you for reading ^^

Captured with Olive san ^^

~It has been a long time since I post something with pictures~

~So here are some of  my favourite pictures~

^_^

National Park with Soleha and Beatrice.

Last day at Kg. Kaung.

SYD 3 with the seniors.

Early morning in Holy Cross Toboh.

Holy Cross Toboh during SYD 3.

View from my room. I was playing with the effect. 

Before going to St. Paul, Balung. My strength ^^

Celine, Wewen, Lion, Lelen, Echa
My girls^^

My friends rehearsing.

One of my most favourite. You can see why.

I've been constantly deleting my last words for this entry. Guess I don't have anything left to say because those pictures did their job.

Hope you enjoyed those pictures ^^

                           

an entry ^^

~I never thought that campus activity could take my time that much~

I've left this blog for a while but right now I am sitting in my living room. The tv is on and 'Phineas and Ferb' is in the air. I paid my sleep and spent the whole day crocheting. This feeling of being home is so good.
The holiday has started and I feel so good. The start of my holiday was very special. I am blessed to join the camp^^. I shall talk about it in another entry.
Last semester was quite hard on me. There were so many things I couldn't manage but I get to move on somehow. It felt as if I just started campus again, from zero. I had no clue about what will happen at most of the time. I felt terrible at my study, I fought terribly with someone and I that something I was afraid of came true. If I should draw a straight line resembling my first semester of degree program, you'll see that there were a lot of ups and downs. If I should list down everything I've been through, I won't be able to remember everything or...Or more like I don't want to remember them.
But to think of it again, straight line is boring and the things I don't want to remember now might be the most precious memories in the future. The ones that I'll hold dearly in my heart. So I'll take notes on last semester and be ready to face what the next seven semesters have for me.
~That's all for this entry and happy holiday~

I like to see him in red

I like to see him in red

He was in the red team

I was in the blue team

Watching him from the other side.

I wish him victory

But I can’t let my team down

So I’ll just watch him from the other side

And I like to see him in red.

I passed by the basketball court this morning

And suddenly his shadow appeared

All of those memories rushed out from their hiding

Made me realize once more that I love you.

I love you for who you are

It’s not the colour that you wear

It’s only a part of it

I love your awful voice when you sing

I love your blushing cheek when you’re shy and

I love your bad handwriting on my paper.

~I thought that it would be nice to start this February with some of my first lovey dovey poem~

~I don't even remember when it was written~

Rosy I swear - The Little Columbus

A million faces in million places,
You came and shone right through it all,
And I may be crazy but Rosy I swear,
I never thought life could be so fair.

We are like children,
We go through the seasons,
We laugh we cry we live a life,
And I may be hazy but Rosy I swear,
I think I was living on a prayer.

Cuz sometimes you just have a rainy day,
And sometimes words they seem to have no meaning,
When times are hard days are long,
I will help you along,
Tell a joke, play a game, sing a song.

I was dreamer, a silly believer,
I always found the chance to say,
That the heat of the summer is gonna last forever,
But I guess it never got to stay.

A little while later on a lonely December,
I hope the song will find you well,
And I may be crazy but Rosy I swear,
I'll light up the silver in your hair.

Cuz sometimes you just have a rainy day,
And sometimes words they seem to have no meaning,
When times are hard days are long,
I will help you along,
Tell a joke, play a game, sing a song.

We all get older but we will remember,
No matter how many miles away,
But as long as we know that we can see another day,
Tell a joke, play a game, sing a song.

Cuz sometimes you just have a rainy day,
And sometimes words they seem to have no meaning,
When times are hard days are long,
I will help you along,
Tell a joke, play a game, sing a song.


#Falling for this song over and over 

Random New Year

It's New Year. Happy New Year! Hope you had a good celebration. Mine was made a day earlier due to a few things. So on the 31st we went to church which I think a good start for the new year.

I'm back in campus and I don't feel good yet. But today is so much better than the first day. It was hard to accept the fact that I was leaving on new year. If I could postpone the date I would've. Oh well. At least things are doing well for me.

I think I lost myself these few days. Things suddenly felt too hard for me. Things were doing fine that nothing can stop me from coming a little later to this place. I lost my writing mood, I lost my appetite, and I think I lost my sanity too.

Right now I'm having instant noodle. I'm not craving. I think my appetite is coming back but I also think that this is due to homesickness. Talking about food, I really need to watch what I eat. I have to lose the extra number I gained during the holiday. Mehh...I ate what I wanted at home and here I have to be really careful.

I kinda feeling bad because my roommate had an accident so she's not coming until next week. I feel bad because I enjoy having the room for me alone. I feel so free. I can act as crazy as I want and let my tension burst out whenever I want. It just feel so good. I'm sorry roommate.

To tell you the truth, I don't really know what I'm writing. I just feel like I should write and now is the time for it. So I think I should end this here. Happy New Year and wish you'll have a good year.

12.12.12

The highlight in the picture above is the date located at the bottom right of the picture.

12-12-12

Of course I don't want the chance to post an entry on this repetitive date. I think it is awesome. 

My sister is blessed because she turned twelve today. That make it a total of four 'twelves'. 

Some people said that it is just the date, but I disagree. They said so because they have no effort in making the date worth to remember. You can make any date special but in the list of dates, the unique ones are very rare. You don't even know whether you are going to be alive or not on the next unique date. Do you think you are going to live to see 13.13.13? That must be crazy! 

For me, this is one of the things that make life interesting! You just have to make an effort for it.

The time is currently 10.12 PM in my country. 

Go on and make this day memorable for you! 

Earphone or Headphone?

When you are in situation where you have to choose either one of them, which one will you choose? Sometimes it's easy but sometimes it can be tough. You're sweating and your look at them as if they're threatening you with a great feeling of regret if you do not pick them. Exaggerating much? Well, that's actually how it felt every time I walk into the store. 

I don't think anyone could ever deny that these items are essential. Though you might not be using them all the time, there are times when you're going to need them. I'm the best example here. I prefer listening to songs without anything plugged in to my ear. Same goes to watching movies from my laptop. I'm not a movie maniac anyway. It just feel awkward to be completely separated from the surrounding. What if I missed something? What if something bad is happening and I didn't hear the warning? What if I miss the alarm clock? The what if list goes on... There are too many situations to think of. However there are times when I will be very grateful to have them. Especially when I'm away from home. When I'm in the campus they are so many times when you'll be likely to see me with earphone. Especially when I'm in my dorm room. Okay I don't use earphone all the time in my room. In fact I rarely use them! It's just not not cool to miss what is happening in the surrounding right? I listens to songs and watches movies without the earphone even when there are people around. I have to admit that it's a little snob but I think it's better than damaging my eardrums. The volume aren't loud anyway, just suitable for my hearing. 

 I can't understand people who wear earphone or headphone all day long. I've tried it and I found it damaging. But sometimes there are times when I will desperately put on my earphone. I can't stand listening to people talking when I'm about to sleep or when I'm sleeping. Don't you hate that feeling? Simple chat is okay but the long one with such inconsiderate volume, they seriously bring out the worst out of me. That's when I'll put on my earphone to get lost from the real environment. Just turn up the volume and I'm now in my own world. It is not my favourite situation. 

Earphones are handier in my opinion. You can keep them in your pocket or purse. You can even use them without people knowing. It will probably save you from listening to boring lecture or presentations without being caught. However I do not recommend you to do that. What if you do get caught? What if people do the same thing to you? 

Earphones are also friendlier. Can you separate your headphone when you want to listen to a song together with your friend..or that someone? It's fun when you can share the earphone with your friend. The term is romantic if you are sharing it with you special one. In my situation mentioned earlier, I don't have to worry even if I fell asleep with my earphone on. Less damage. 

In my opinion, headphones are great. They provide you with a great satisfaction in the audio. Especially if you are willing to spend more money on them. When you want listen to songs in their maximum volume without them actually hurting you ear too much. 

I think it's better to have both of them. You can use them according to your situation. Plus headphones are great fashion accessories. Earphones and headphones nowadays are getting trendier than before. They are a lot of cute and awesome design in the market nowadays, which become one of the list of consideration in buying them. However the sound quality should be the first priority. 

Earphone or headphone? Earphone I would say. Maybe this isn't a big deal at all but I think that it is quite an interesting topic. So which one will you pick? 

Holiday Random

Hello peeps! How's your holiday going so far? Good eh? I'm going to talk about mine here. Well, obviously! *grins*

I've been waking up real late these days, just as I expected. I tried to wake up early but my body refused. To think about it, it's normal when you sleep at 1 + am. Yeah, I do that.

So far I haven't done anything spectacular yet (lol will I do any?) but I do think of doing something. And I think I've been gaining back the weight I lost in campus. Part of me is saying 'don't worry, you'll lose them back in campus' and another part of me is saying 'hey you wanna look good in events'. So I'm kind of sinking into dilemma. To work out or not to work out? Lol what kind of dilemma is that? The answer will come silently. Next thing I know is I'm already living the answer. That's how it usually works.

Right now I am able to let my mind think of things I didn't let myself think at campus. You know things people call hobby and passion, that will eventually get so addictive and tempting and will probably cause the the procrastination of homework and assignments.

      There were a lot of times like that at campus...
               I got into my room, I had my lunch, I went online, I opened the files to my homework, I searched for the information I may need, and I when I was about to finally finalize my work, I thought of a new project. I started drafting it, then I went to do a project I that I haven't finishes yet. My homework, uhmm...I think there's no explanation needed.
               That's not the only thing... instead of getting dressed after shower, I went straight to my project. If it is a crochet project, I will set myself to get one row done. But what happen is many rows passed and I haven't move an inch from the chair. It's goes on and on.

Last three weeks in campus was very hard. The process of getting my brain ready for the exam was a very hard moment. Harder than when I was facing SPM. When it was time for the exam I was like, just give your all Mandy! The first exam, it was like a battle. I kept shooting but I didn't know how many bullets actually hit the targets. All will be answered later. Enough of exam.

Oh my, gone back to the before holiday business! My my, I should have written about my holiday.

I've spent my time crocheting, cooking and  I also watched some Harvest Moon fanimation.  I can't explain how I love holiday. Haha. Oh and yeah, I followed my father to his farm. I didn't get to do much thing though as there were two little kids with us. I had to keep my eyes on them. I kept yelling at them to not do this and that. Man they're so energetic! I wanted to help in clearing up the farm but those kid keep me away from doing all those things. Despite of not being able to do farm works, I still get serious sunburn that last until today. They are still visible.

This holiday I had a lot of time to practice my photoshop skill *grins* Don't get me wrong, I won't use them for the wrong purpose. Ever since I know photoshop I always wanted to learn more. There are a lot of things you can do with that. It is one of the most brilliant software ever.

There are still a lot of things I haven't done. No problem, I'll get them done as many as I can! Yeah, I will do that! For that I now end this entry right here. You know, I still have a lot of things to write but it didn't feel right to throw them all in one entry. Well, bye for now!

October

*Stares at nescafe 3 in 1 mild in the mug*
It's been such a long time since I had one. How am I going to deal with this? I know that I'm not really good with nescafe but I don't know what got into my mind. Going to drink this in a few minutes.

Ah, It's October. Too fast the time passes. Only yesterday I celebrated new year. So far things had been good though there are few lacking everywhere. Hopefully things will get better towards the end of this year

Right now I'm anticipating about the month of Rosary. I miss the feeling to pray the Rosary with everyone.

And I've been thinking as well, how am I going to sort of my things this year. It's almost time for that long holiday (woohoo!) I got too many things I guess. But that's just me. I like to have all my necessities with me. It's better when you have your own to use. No need to worry about the well being of something (but of course I care about the well being of the item, for the longevity of it :) It's just that you can treat the item as you wish lol. Haha I'm enjoying myself here.

*It's only a few sips but I'm looking at the mug with indescribable feeling*
I gotta buy another 3 in 1

Oh, I almost forgot about exam. It's been too long since I had one. Sigh I really hate to force myself to study. I wonder where have my spirit gone? I can't seem to focus anymore. The only thing in my mind right now is study drill. I really need that. Even though it means no life. Never mind, I'll reward myself with a lot of fun during the coming Holiday.

*too sweet, If I'm home I've modified the taste*

not so random

I care about my feeling. Yes, I do. Who doesn't? I have tried to treat everyone the way I want them to treat me but sometimes the patience blows up. I really hate when I am treated that way. It hurt.I may not show  it but only because I am afraid I might hurt that person. I am not perfect, and sometimes I did violate my stand.
It's like my subsconcius is recording each time I am treated like that. Spreading it somewhere inside my mind that I thought I might have forgotten it. The record sometimes play by itself when I'm with that person. That person should have recognized it, and come to realization that I won't be treating you like that if you hadn't done it first. I am really really sorry for writing something like this but I've been holding this for quite some times.
I care about my feeling. I really really do. As the first among my siblings, I demand respect from everyone. I have just realized that this year. The respect that I want not to be called sister or looked by someone to ask for permissions or advice. I just want to be treated well. I believe that that person doesn't want to treated in a bad way, me too but my patience has a limit. I don't care how well or how spoiled that person is, what I know is I want to be respected. I will respect that person if that person respect me, and if that person don't respect me back I will still respect that person. But I will still demand it.
Just please, treat other person the way you want to be treated. If that person is going fine with you all this time and then suddenly there's something wrong with them, ask yourself before asking them what went wrong with them. You could be the reason!