...

I have not been a morning person for a while. In fact I have never been a serious morning person. I wake up early when my body knows that I need to, but on holidays my morning's when the sun is at its peak. Six am is the earliest I can set my body during the holiday. 

The pictures in this post were taken from the roof top of the Holy Trinity Church's new building. It was such a beautiful sunrise that I question myself why am I holding a camera on a great morning instead of enjoying it? But I guess, I'm learning how to enjoy things while capturing them. The experience itself was amazing. I was amazed that I woke up just in time for the sunrise!

I just noticed that the picture up there is a little slanted. Oh well. Let's that be a reminder for me to practice more. 

The place where I took this picture will be the highest point of the Sabah Youth Day 4 venue which is, Holy Trinity Church, Tawau. The participants might not be able to see this view as we can't go to the rooftop unless we are the main organizer but I hope that people can see why some of us chose to be part of the team behind the preparation. We might not do much, we might not understand well, but we did it sincerely. 

The last SYD gave me a great experience, and I hope this coming SYD will be a memorable experience for all of us.

Let people be//////Let it happen, naturally

I have to remind myself all the times that I am a completely different person than the rest of 7 billion people covering the earth. I don't even know if I get it right. The point here is I'm different from any of them. Something about human nature might shows us doing and having the same thoughts but no hearts and no brains are exactly the same.

It's normal for us to feel out of place to feel   .....

That was written a few days ago when I'm writing this very sentence you're reading. I have my maybe latest opinion now, maybe that's what I should call it. These words that I'm going to type is what I want to say right now but it doesn't feel right to delete my earlier thoughts. They're still related.

"We are too focused on making this world a better place by changing the people around us; changing them into something that we thought are going to make this world better. Truth is, there are over 7 billion people living on this earth and our minds work differently. When 7 billion people are starting to change the world with their mind alone, there are going to be 7 billion causes of chaos. You see, the start of a war can come from one small soul. Imagine 7 billion people; we'll lose our earth."

I'm not being pessimist about making changes. Changes happens over times. It's natural. It has to happen. So let it be natural. How does the natural things work here? Well, it will happen naturally.

Personally, I have faith that prayer helps. it helps me to be natural in the way I'm supposed to be.

p.s I might have ignored my grammar. forgive me.

Last day of January 2015

The things we own are merely tokens of what we have done to this world. None of them are eternal. Your beauty will fade and one day lost. Your stuffs will one day rust and then even money won't be able to ease your heart. Therefore what we have now, we must must not take them for granted. We must not boast about it. They will not last. 

Take a look into your heart instead, and look at the most important things or persons. 

Most importantly, take a look your belief, feel it, because those are the things that will remain even after we're gone. Those are the things that will remain even when our stories are buried under the soils and covered by the new faces of the earth.

and...

               I took a very long break, didn't I? Well, I've posted maybe two posts but really, that was it. Still, it was great. It has been a long time since I didn't write at all. I was devastated sometimes, that I couldn't bring myself to sit and write, but I finally realized that it was no harm at all. It had been a long time since I read and only read. It had been a long time since I think and only think. I don't think that those thoughts were wasted because by only thinking, those thoughts were carefully digested and slowly the ones I truly hold on to the most become clearer to me. I was able to think without being disrupted by blank spaces that I was so eager to write on. I've always wanted to be myself and I can say that I am closer to myself. I see now that they are many things await, and they wait patiently for me to unwrap. 

             This was something that I had to go through in order to see things from the different sides of me. I must say that I am a calmer person because of this, and I love it. I'm looking forward to write more after this. The road to finding what I'm made of is still long journey but I'm glad that I have my angels and someone whom I know will always be by my side.

Gifts

***

Sometimes it was too late when we finally open the gift.

We had all the time, but then we leave it in the darkest place in our locker, or maybe we chose to just ignore it even when the gift is right in front of us.

But that didn't stop the magic from happening.

While we were ignoring it, the magic spell grows stronger and its charm becomes more captivating.

That moment when you finally decide to unwrap it

Is when you finally realize what have been missing from your life.

That little piece of puzzle is now found and

For the first time you feel joy in a way you thought you’ll never be able to.

Sometimes, it is better that way.

Maybe it was meant to be that way.

So that you will appreciate your gift even more...

So that you know what you’re really into...

So that you know the worth of the Gift that will always be yours.

***

Appreciate your gift

Unwrap it 

Share it with your brothers and sisters

***

*Welcoming Junior*Deepen*B.A.S.I.C*

B.A.S.I.C stands for brothers and sisters in Christ. Last Sunday we made it our official name. Praise the Lord, these multiple events ran successfully that day :)

Under His Wings

That particular day, I think I truly understand what He felt when He lifted His head after He was baptized. In the sky above, the sun rays was beautifully brought by the Holy Spirit in the form of a dove. What a joy He must have felt when His father announced that Jesus is His son.

The faith that He is truly over there, watching us. 

~

It was very late. I passed by the last person on the track. After a few meters, I decided to look up to the view at my back. How stunned I was to see what laid up in front of me. 

A pair of wings in tangerine colour, swirled by the blue of the sky was spread open up there. I stayed there for a few moments. Unable to share it with someone else as I was the only one left, I tried to remember as many details as I could. I tried to really translate what I was feeling at that moment.

God showed it to me at the end of the day, during the transition of day into night,  like a reminder that He was with me all day long. That all this time I was under the safety of His angels' wing. And I believe that as long as I live, together God, and Jesus and the Holy Spirit will take care of me. 

What I have to do is to keep believing even if I can't see Him.

I believe that when I can't see Him, that's the moment when He is really close to me.

~

It's better to arrive in daylight

~It is now the end of another year again. The time when people look back and try to make sense of the things they did all year. And yes, I am looking back too ~

When I look back, I can say that this year was really something. I didn't know that I dare do the things that I did. I myself was shocked. I'm sorry to those who were terrified. I didn't mean to scare you girls. And I thought a lot about an idea, the one I've been keeping for a few years now. I look back again and suddenly it all make sense. The idea was really something. It was something that I think I am meant to do.

Oh, the title. It is something that I've been thinking of during the holiday. Something about a journey, something about the trees, covering the rest of the path. It's really something. Opened my heavy eyes, and made me move slower. Okay maybe not very slow but I feel something. Now I'm glad that things are quite clear right now.

Sometime it feels as if I'm floating right now. One moment I'm floating over here, and then the next moment I'm floating over there. There's something about floating. I know that I'm not going to float forever, so I'm thinking of ways to control the wind, so that it will bring me to the place that I wish for.

What I didn't know was, things could be very beautiful if we just let everything run by themselves. Not in a way that we let things 'run' us. We make plans, we dream of things. We make effort to make our dreams real but without ignoring every other things that could happen.

There are so many things that have knocked me down this year, but every time I look up, I'm blessed to always find a hand to help me get back on my feet.

And if I should describe my 2013...
I'd say it was a lovely lovely year :)

Even the skies aren't as free as it was

I once made a kite, out of green A4 papers, a few wooden sticks, and a length of thread. That was when I had the enthusiasm to do whatever things that crosses my mind. I must be six or something. Well, judging by the materials you would have guessed that it didn't look very good and it probably won't go very high. But it flew when I ran through the field. And I was just satisfied. 

I think I did try to make a few more after that but I have no solid memory about them. Well, I do remember something about the doodles on the papers and how it didn't work out but that's not my point here. 

When I was so much younger, when I look up outside, I see the sky. Just the sky, no high buildings, no electric poles, banners or whatsoever. And maybe I didn't realize soon enough but looking up is so calming. I love how blue it is. The various patterns of clouds that I like to see. I came to realize sometime maybe two or a year ago that I'm quite claustrophobic. Or maybe I'm very claustrophobic. I don't know how bad it is yet but now I know why I like the sky so much. It looks like a never ending dance floor.

I like being under the sky, roofless but nowadays it's all about privacy. Maybe it's not entirely true but you can't deny it right? All we think of when we are outside is to get back into the safety of our own chamber. Even at the village. I wasn't really excited when they started to plant electric poles before because things will be so much different. And it happened. I loved the view at the village years ago so much better.

But yeah, who am I to resist development. Maybe they are just happening too fast and I have left behind in catching up with them. After all, it's inevitable. I'm glad that I've seen things the way it was, and I will keep what I'm seeing now for the future when we reach the peak of development. 

The sky aren't as free as it was, but they're always up there ^^ 

All we need is faith ^^

earlier this year ...

My 2013 January was really great. I was able to feel something that I rarely let myself get carried away with. It was something related to my faith. God answered my prayer in a beautiful way. I almost didn't believe it. It took me a month to fully accept it. 

I can never forget the words I uttered so suddenly in my heart that evenings. I can never forget the feeling I felt that night. Most importantly, I can't forget the way He works. The way He made everything so perfect and beautiful. 

I kept saying thank you and thank you and I'll be saying that every time I'm remembered of those days. 

Thank you, God.

A gift from January

       One evening in January 2013, I suddenly came to realization that I am growing up. I was reading a blog on New Year resolution. Somehow I was touched by her resolutions. I made a to do list few years ago, but I've never did what I wrote. Far from completing the list. So I made my mind that I won't write anymore to do list. It came again to my mind the moment I read the blog. I was lying on my back with my laptop on my stomach, then I rose, put the laptop on my table and started writing a proper resolution. After taking my time, I started to write my resolutions. I stopped after writing three resolutions.
       Something came to me. My tears came out. I am getting older. I've lost some pieces of me. Those pieces are replaced by new pieces of me. Some are good, some are bad. For a moment I feel like I've lost myself. I felt this in December. I thought that it had past but I realized that it will be something I'll remember for the rest of my life. I have to bear with it.
       I never thought that getting older can be this emotional. All this time I've been wanting to be a grown up, but now I have to think twice. Too bad that I can't change what's going to happen. But I was thanking God for giving me this realization. Some people will never realize until it too late.
       My tears were flowing more as I think more of this. I am no longer myself, the one I used to be. The quality in me that I used to adore are fading away.
       I continued writing my resolutions with the hope that I will be able to make it this time. I now realize that life is more complicated than you think it is. But as long as I realize that I'm changing, and as I long as I know that I'm changing towards the better me, I know that I'm on the right track.
       I took a deep breath when I finished writing my resolutions. I'm not gonna lie, I was feeling down for the rest of the day. Even when I left my resolutions on the table and start doing something else, it just won't get of my mind. It took me maybe a few days to really set up my mind for the resolutions, and I have to gather courage and determination from the people around me. I am still gathering them, and I'm starting to live my resolutions.
       I am very thankful of one thing. I feel my faith growing, and it helps me all the time. Praise the Lord for it. This January had been a blessing for me. This is not the only good things that happened on me in January, there is another, maybe many others that I did not realize.
       Thank you January, for this precious gift.

Sabah Youth Day 3

Finally, I've really cool down from all the activities and assignment. Originally, I've scheduled myself to write this blog since the previous Saturday two weeks ago. But with all those things shot directly at me, I had to postponed it until today. It's not Saturday but it's still holiday. hee

I guess I'm telling a long story in this entry. Let's begin with what happened during the last holiday. I had the opportunity to join the Sabah Youth Day 3 in Tambunan! When I finally stepped Holy Cross, Toboh at Tambunan,I was like, "Wow, I'm really here." I was mesmerized by my own presence. Earlier this year, I had never expected myself to really join this SYD. I didn't even know what to expect and what do I want from SYD but praise the Lord, I was there and I knew what I wanted and also what He wanted.

The theme for SYD 3 is Rooted and Built Up in Christ, Firm in Faith.
I learned that it is very important for us to have a deep relationship with Him, and to really know the Story of Him. When we really know Him, we love Him, we believe in Him and therefore our Faith will be strengthened. It is not as easy as writing this, it requires a lot of work. You must let Him to enter your heart, you must listen to what He say and you must do what He wanted you to do.

So here are some pictures I managed to take. 
p/s didn't take a lot because I know there'll be a lot of cameras over there :p
note: pictures are not in order 

First picture taken at Toboh, with senior Lolyn, during breakfast.

and here's our lunch during our first day in Toboh, I don't know why did I capture this but I guess it was because every little detail is precious. hee. 

Maxwell and Paya!

Lolyn, Bumbum and Bara!

was quite excited when I got to see them there. Though it's easy for us to see each other in IP, the feeling was different right there. We we're all different I think, in a good way, probably because of the surrounding. 

and here are the seminarians. Paya and I were stuck on our way to the toilet when  we saw them performing. We were wowed by them. My favourite part was when they do their rap!

I don't remember which day was this but this time they changed their place so that more people are able to enjoy their performance.

There are stalls outside Holy Cross, so many of us bought food from the stalls, and when we buy food of course we share them right? So let's eat!

view from the first floor of Holy Cross

On the fourth day I finally managed to get myself on top the church. It was high and it was mesmerizing to see 3000 youths from all over Sabah to gather in this place, all with the same reason, to see Him.  

Paya and Maxwell!
This two really like cameras, and I had to re shoot this picture for like five times because they weren't satisfied with the first few shot. I was starting to think is this gonna be their pre *cough cough*picture? Get me? oh nevermind *peace*

Maxwell, Russell and Cornelius with 3 ladies from Semporna. Feel like adding more description to this picture but I guess not..hehe :p  

Third day in Toboh, we were like finally, we meet Beatrice and we are able to take picture together!

Last day, during the closing ceremony mass. The youth from Diocese of Keningau was  handing over the the Cross to the youth of Sandakan Diocese.

Finally, my favourite pictures ...

We were blessed with this beautiful scenery during our dinner time. I whispered to myself that I can't miss this moment. So put my dinner aside and start capturing pictures as much as I can before they disappear. These are not the best picture but still worth to be kept right? 

I hope you can take look at these pictures and I hope you are able to see Him :)

Can't miss the scenery right? It was quite late when I decided to have my picture taken. The rainbows are already covered by clouds but little colors were still visible. I really love this picture because it feels as if I was taking picture with Him

I will never forget my experience in this SYD 3. It's not only about what I got in Tambunan but what I have gained during our preparation for the event. I am determined to keep my faith in Christianity. Now I am able to allow Him to use myself as His tool. It's not gonna be easy all the time but His Holy Spirits and Angels will keep accompany me along the road. Right now I'm anticipating for the next SYD in 2016 which will be held in Holy Trinity, Tawau! I hope that I'll still be able to join the next SYD. So my friends in faith, let's join the next SYD!