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I have not been a morning person for a while. In fact I have never been a serious morning person. I wake up early when my body knows that I need to, but on holidays my morning's when the sun is at its peak. Six am is the earliest I can set my body during the holiday. 

The pictures in this post were taken from the roof top of the Holy Trinity Church's new building. It was such a beautiful sunrise that I question myself why am I holding a camera on a great morning instead of enjoying it? But I guess, I'm learning how to enjoy things while capturing them. The experience itself was amazing. I was amazed that I woke up just in time for the sunrise!

I just noticed that the picture up there is a little slanted. Oh well. Let's that be a reminder for me to practice more. 

The place where I took this picture will be the highest point of the Sabah Youth Day 4 venue which is, Holy Trinity Church, Tawau. The participants might not be able to see this view as we can't go to the rooftop unless we are the main organizer but I hope that people can see why some of us chose to be part of the team behind the preparation. We might not do much, we might not understand well, but we did it sincerely. 

The last SYD gave me a great experience, and I hope this coming SYD will be a memorable experience for all of us.

_______________________________________

After 3 years we were finally sent to school. I guess I was doing well. I guess. Even after preparing myself, I still find myself barely stepping into the reality. I thought that it will come naturally but it didn't. Maybe I'm still unable to feel it but for now it just feels like alien to me.
When we gather, I can see that most of them talked about it sincerely. Well, not that I wasn't sincere, but it somehow wasn't enough for me. I want to really feel it! I want to make things better because of my own will. Not just for the sake of getting high marks. Even though I reminded myself to not treat them like a bunch of experiment dolls, I feel like that's exactly what I am doing right now.
I feel bad because I don't think that I will have the same joy if they ever come to me with big grins and their high-pitched voice.
I really did try. I hope I just need more time. It's been a long time since I made up my mind to not get attached easily. That determination was too strong, maybe. But I hope that I will be able to soften at least a small part of my heart for the future little humans.

*Welcoming Junior*Deepen*B.A.S.I.C*

B.A.S.I.C stands for brothers and sisters in Christ. Last Sunday we made it our official name. Praise the Lord, these multiple events ran successfully that day :)

It's better to arrive in daylight

~It is now the end of another year again. The time when people look back and try to make sense of the things they did all year. And yes, I am looking back too ~

When I look back, I can say that this year was really something. I didn't know that I dare do the things that I did. I myself was shocked. I'm sorry to those who were terrified. I didn't mean to scare you girls. And I thought a lot about an idea, the one I've been keeping for a few years now. I look back again and suddenly it all make sense. The idea was really something. It was something that I think I am meant to do.

Oh, the title. It is something that I've been thinking of during the holiday. Something about a journey, something about the trees, covering the rest of the path. It's really something. Opened my heavy eyes, and made me move slower. Okay maybe not very slow but I feel something. Now I'm glad that things are quite clear right now.

Sometime it feels as if I'm floating right now. One moment I'm floating over here, and then the next moment I'm floating over there. There's something about floating. I know that I'm not going to float forever, so I'm thinking of ways to control the wind, so that it will bring me to the place that I wish for.

What I didn't know was, things could be very beautiful if we just let everything run by themselves. Not in a way that we let things 'run' us. We make plans, we dream of things. We make effort to make our dreams real but without ignoring every other things that could happen.

There are so many things that have knocked me down this year, but every time I look up, I'm blessed to always find a hand to help me get back on my feet.

And if I should describe my 2013...
I'd say it was a lovely lovely year :)

Even the skies aren't as free as it was

I once made a kite, out of green A4 papers, a few wooden sticks, and a length of thread. That was when I had the enthusiasm to do whatever things that crosses my mind. I must be six or something. Well, judging by the materials you would have guessed that it didn't look very good and it probably won't go very high. But it flew when I ran through the field. And I was just satisfied. 

I think I did try to make a few more after that but I have no solid memory about them. Well, I do remember something about the doodles on the papers and how it didn't work out but that's not my point here. 

When I was so much younger, when I look up outside, I see the sky. Just the sky, no high buildings, no electric poles, banners or whatsoever. And maybe I didn't realize soon enough but looking up is so calming. I love how blue it is. The various patterns of clouds that I like to see. I came to realize sometime maybe two or a year ago that I'm quite claustrophobic. Or maybe I'm very claustrophobic. I don't know how bad it is yet but now I know why I like the sky so much. It looks like a never ending dance floor.

I like being under the sky, roofless but nowadays it's all about privacy. Maybe it's not entirely true but you can't deny it right? All we think of when we are outside is to get back into the safety of our own chamber. Even at the village. I wasn't really excited when they started to plant electric poles before because things will be so much different. And it happened. I loved the view at the village years ago so much better.

But yeah, who am I to resist development. Maybe they are just happening too fast and I have left behind in catching up with them. After all, it's inevitable. I'm glad that I've seen things the way it was, and I will keep what I'm seeing now for the future when we reach the peak of development. 

The sky aren't as free as it was, but they're always up there ^^ 

All we need is faith ^^

Reaching out from the mess

I really thought that I can hold myself from writing anything in here before I finish all of my assignments but now here I am writing. 

I'm clueless about my own state right now

I don't know if I'm in air, or liquid or solid state right now.

Today in class we were asked to make acrostic poem using our own names

I wrote mine and I thought that it's clear that I'm already in Christmas mood

I can't wait to see all my relatives.

Temptation and promises

I broke one just now by writing this entry

I almost broke it yesterday when I picked up a novel

and I know that it will never work with crochet

I just hope that I'm not doing too bad.

A pink letter hung on my dashboard

A glance of it each morning

Reminds me of those other things I wish to achieve in the future

As if she's saying that I need to work hard today

So that I'll get closer to them each day.

...I'll bury myself in these...

only after I finish all of my work

an entry ^^

~I never thought that campus activity could take my time that much~

I've left this blog for a while but right now I am sitting in my living room. The tv is on and 'Phineas and Ferb' is in the air. I paid my sleep and spent the whole day crocheting. This feeling of being home is so good.
The holiday has started and I feel so good. The start of my holiday was very special. I am blessed to join the camp^^. I shall talk about it in another entry.
Last semester was quite hard on me. There were so many things I couldn't manage but I get to move on somehow. It felt as if I just started campus again, from zero. I had no clue about what will happen at most of the time. I felt terrible at my study, I fought terribly with someone and I that something I was afraid of came true. If I should draw a straight line resembling my first semester of degree program, you'll see that there were a lot of ups and downs. If I should list down everything I've been through, I won't be able to remember everything or...Or more like I don't want to remember them.
But to think of it again, straight line is boring and the things I don't want to remember now might be the most precious memories in the future. The ones that I'll hold dearly in my heart. So I'll take notes on last semester and be ready to face what the next seven semesters have for me.
~That's all for this entry and happy holiday~

... and here I go again

I hope that we'll meet accidentally in the airport, accidentally have the same flight, and accidentally sit next to each other. You'll be mine until it is time for the plane to land. 

So that I may realize once again that it wrong to hope for you, so I might remember why did I do what I did.

Blame him, blame the songs, blame the movies, blame the surrounding, blame everything for reminding me about you.

A gift from January

       One evening in January 2013, I suddenly came to realization that I am growing up. I was reading a blog on New Year resolution. Somehow I was touched by her resolutions. I made a to do list few years ago, but I've never did what I wrote. Far from completing the list. So I made my mind that I won't write anymore to do list. It came again to my mind the moment I read the blog. I was lying on my back with my laptop on my stomach, then I rose, put the laptop on my table and started writing a proper resolution. After taking my time, I started to write my resolutions. I stopped after writing three resolutions.
       Something came to me. My tears came out. I am getting older. I've lost some pieces of me. Those pieces are replaced by new pieces of me. Some are good, some are bad. For a moment I feel like I've lost myself. I felt this in December. I thought that it had past but I realized that it will be something I'll remember for the rest of my life. I have to bear with it.
       I never thought that getting older can be this emotional. All this time I've been wanting to be a grown up, but now I have to think twice. Too bad that I can't change what's going to happen. But I was thanking God for giving me this realization. Some people will never realize until it too late.
       My tears were flowing more as I think more of this. I am no longer myself, the one I used to be. The quality in me that I used to adore are fading away.
       I continued writing my resolutions with the hope that I will be able to make it this time. I now realize that life is more complicated than you think it is. But as long as I realize that I'm changing, and as I long as I know that I'm changing towards the better me, I know that I'm on the right track.
       I took a deep breath when I finished writing my resolutions. I'm not gonna lie, I was feeling down for the rest of the day. Even when I left my resolutions on the table and start doing something else, it just won't get of my mind. It took me maybe a few days to really set up my mind for the resolutions, and I have to gather courage and determination from the people around me. I am still gathering them, and I'm starting to live my resolutions.
       I am very thankful of one thing. I feel my faith growing, and it helps me all the time. Praise the Lord for it. This January had been a blessing for me. This is not the only good things that happened on me in January, there is another, maybe many others that I did not realize.
       Thank you January, for this precious gift.

December comes again

Every times December 1st come, I'm like "Oh yeah" all day! It's the most exciting time of the year for most people. It's Christmas. It's holiday. It's the gathering. It's when you can go all out! 

This December, I'd like to regain the pieces of myself that I had lost. I feel different. Not that I'm totally changed, just slightly different. Still, the impact feels so great. I think while I'm trying to grab some lessons in life, I had forgotten to keep my grip tight on myself, causing some parts of me to be left somewhere. 

I'd also like to reminisce the old times. Well, it's not that I'm too old already, haha. I went through childhood, and it won't be long till the time for to leave my teenager phase. Though I think that the teenage spirit will stay in me for quite sometime even after the phase *grin*

 I wish all you a happy December!

He will answer

I can't help but typing it all here,

I've been thinking of it all the time without even realize it.

She said that when I meet that special one,

He will make me accept the way I am now,

He will make me forgot the terrible feelings and situations that I had before,

He will lead me to the future in faith.

I will fall for him the way I should.

In that very short time conversation,

She told me how she have changed.

She told me how God have answered her prayers,

That was when I know where did she get her happiness.

I didn't pray for that.

All I did was just avoiding things.

I kept convincing myself that I did the right thing.

The truth is, I've been doing it the wrong way.

So right now I'll be waiting for that moment.

God have answered her prayer,

I believe that He will answer mine too.

Amen.