October

*Stares at nescafe 3 in 1 mild in the mug*
It's been such a long time since I had one. How am I going to deal with this? I know that I'm not really good with nescafe but I don't know what got into my mind. Going to drink this in a few minutes.

Ah, It's October. Too fast the time passes. Only yesterday I celebrated new year. So far things had been good though there are few lacking everywhere. Hopefully things will get better towards the end of this year

Right now I'm anticipating about the month of Rosary. I miss the feeling to pray the Rosary with everyone.

And I've been thinking as well, how am I going to sort of my things this year. It's almost time for that long holiday (woohoo!) I got too many things I guess. But that's just me. I like to have all my necessities with me. It's better when you have your own to use. No need to worry about the well being of something (but of course I care about the well being of the item, for the longevity of it :) It's just that you can treat the item as you wish lol. Haha I'm enjoying myself here.

*It's only a few sips but I'm looking at the mug with indescribable feeling*
I gotta buy another 3 in 1

Oh, I almost forgot about exam. It's been too long since I had one. Sigh I really hate to force myself to study. I wonder where have my spirit gone? I can't seem to focus anymore. The only thing in my mind right now is study drill. I really need that. Even though it means no life. Never mind, I'll reward myself with a lot of fun during the coming Holiday.

*too sweet, If I'm home I've modified the taste*

Candle ish Spirit

I have a candle ish spirit

Once lighted I'm bright with spirit

I release energy of heat 

As if I am the brightest

I am the source of life

But once wind my enemy strike

My light is gone with a single blow

and it do not even wait

The melted part of me harden 

Ugly

and I'm left like an emotionless soul

Even my shadow is transparent

Sabah Youth Day 3

Finally, I've really cool down from all the activities and assignment. Originally, I've scheduled myself to write this blog since the previous Saturday two weeks ago. But with all those things shot directly at me, I had to postponed it until today. It's not Saturday but it's still holiday. hee

I guess I'm telling a long story in this entry. Let's begin with what happened during the last holiday. I had the opportunity to join the Sabah Youth Day 3 in Tambunan! When I finally stepped Holy Cross, Toboh at Tambunan,I was like, "Wow, I'm really here." I was mesmerized by my own presence. Earlier this year, I had never expected myself to really join this SYD. I didn't even know what to expect and what do I want from SYD but praise the Lord, I was there and I knew what I wanted and also what He wanted.

The theme for SYD 3 is Rooted and Built Up in Christ, Firm in Faith.
I learned that it is very important for us to have a deep relationship with Him, and to really know the Story of Him. When we really know Him, we love Him, we believe in Him and therefore our Faith will be strengthened. It is not as easy as writing this, it requires a lot of work. You must let Him to enter your heart, you must listen to what He say and you must do what He wanted you to do.

So here are some pictures I managed to take. 
p/s didn't take a lot because I know there'll be a lot of cameras over there :p
note: pictures are not in order 

First picture taken at Toboh, with senior Lolyn, during breakfast.

and here's our lunch during our first day in Toboh, I don't know why did I capture this but I guess it was because every little detail is precious. hee. 

Maxwell and Paya!

Lolyn, Bumbum and Bara!

was quite excited when I got to see them there. Though it's easy for us to see each other in IP, the feeling was different right there. We we're all different I think, in a good way, probably because of the surrounding. 

and here are the seminarians. Paya and I were stuck on our way to the toilet when  we saw them performing. We were wowed by them. My favourite part was when they do their rap!

I don't remember which day was this but this time they changed their place so that more people are able to enjoy their performance.

There are stalls outside Holy Cross, so many of us bought food from the stalls, and when we buy food of course we share them right? So let's eat!

view from the first floor of Holy Cross

On the fourth day I finally managed to get myself on top the church. It was high and it was mesmerizing to see 3000 youths from all over Sabah to gather in this place, all with the same reason, to see Him.  

Paya and Maxwell!
This two really like cameras, and I had to re shoot this picture for like five times because they weren't satisfied with the first few shot. I was starting to think is this gonna be their pre *cough cough*picture? Get me? oh nevermind *peace*

Maxwell, Russell and Cornelius with 3 ladies from Semporna. Feel like adding more description to this picture but I guess not..hehe :p  

Third day in Toboh, we were like finally, we meet Beatrice and we are able to take picture together!

Last day, during the closing ceremony mass. The youth from Diocese of Keningau was  handing over the the Cross to the youth of Sandakan Diocese.

Finally, my favourite pictures ...

We were blessed with this beautiful scenery during our dinner time. I whispered to myself that I can't miss this moment. So put my dinner aside and start capturing pictures as much as I can before they disappear. These are not the best picture but still worth to be kept right? 

I hope you can take look at these pictures and I hope you are able to see Him :)

Can't miss the scenery right? It was quite late when I decided to have my picture taken. The rainbows are already covered by clouds but little colors were still visible. I really love this picture because it feels as if I was taking picture with Him

I will never forget my experience in this SYD 3. It's not only about what I got in Tambunan but what I have gained during our preparation for the event. I am determined to keep my faith in Christianity. Now I am able to allow Him to use myself as His tool. It's not gonna be easy all the time but His Holy Spirits and Angels will keep accompany me along the road. Right now I'm anticipating for the next SYD in 2016 which will be held in Holy Trinity, Tawau! I hope that I'll still be able to join the next SYD. So my friends in faith, let's join the next SYD!

It's a giveaway! Let's join it together :)

You like crochet too? Join this giveaway here!

I have never felt this interested in giveaway. I was very excited when I saw this post and I am still very interested. I will always be interested in crochet! 

I can't purchase crochet hooks all the time, I mean I won't be able able to afford them without saving some money. So maybe this is one of the alternative? ^^

I really like this blog because it's owned by a Malaysian and it's about CROCHET. I mean, I finally found this kind of blog by a Malaysian. I found this blog when I was looking for online shop in Malaysia that sells crochet hook. It is quite hard for me to look for crochet hook in my place so I have to look for it online because I'm looking for a one set crochet hook. I'm very glad to have found this blog.

not so random

I care about my feeling. Yes, I do. Who doesn't? I have tried to treat everyone the way I want them to treat me but sometimes the patience blows up. I really hate when I am treated that way. It hurt.I may not show  it but only because I am afraid I might hurt that person. I am not perfect, and sometimes I did violate my stand.
It's like my subsconcius is recording each time I am treated like that. Spreading it somewhere inside my mind that I thought I might have forgotten it. The record sometimes play by itself when I'm with that person. That person should have recognized it, and come to realization that I won't be treating you like that if you hadn't done it first. I am really really sorry for writing something like this but I've been holding this for quite some times.
I care about my feeling. I really really do. As the first among my siblings, I demand respect from everyone. I have just realized that this year. The respect that I want not to be called sister or looked by someone to ask for permissions or advice. I just want to be treated well. I believe that that person doesn't want to treated in a bad way, me too but my patience has a limit. I don't care how well or how spoiled that person is, what I know is I want to be respected. I will respect that person if that person respect me, and if that person don't respect me back I will still respect that person. But I will still demand it.
Just please, treat other person the way you want to be treated. If that person is going fine with you all this time and then suddenly there's something wrong with them, ask yourself before asking them what went wrong with them. You could be the reason!

I've stopped but I'm not sure if this the place I want to land on

Somehow I still feel like a lost butterfly

I've entered a place I've never think of getting into

This place where I often have those feelings that I hate

This place that won't let me go. 

I've known this place by name

and little bit inside from what I've been exposed by my father

But he never tell me the truth about this place

and I never care for I never thought I'll end up here.

Sometimes the other side of my heart wonder

What if I waited just a little bit longer?

I could have gone for another place

Another life, another dream.....

I do love what I'm currently doing

I love the extra activities because those are the choices that I made

But do they worth because they're not the major thing?

I'm learning something that I like but I desire to learn that one thing that I love.

Inspired blog: Stop searching for a while

I am inspired to write this blog because of someone but this goes to all of us and I hope that person get to read this too

When you are too desperate for that attentions and love

When you can't accept that you are the only one without someone to go to

When you are giving up at looking for someone you can label as special in your heart

When you finally lie down and let your eyes closed...

Think of all the things you are able to do alone

Think of the joy you had mixing up with your friends

Think of the places you are comfortable to be at

Think of the plan God is writing for you.

He is not done yet

That might be the reason you haven't found one yet

Let Him handle everything

For He will glad to.

Sometimes the reason you haven't found one yet is

 you are busy looking around and the other person is doing the same

You ended up heading to different directions 

And the chances for you to meet each other is getting thinner.

Someone needs to stop searching for a while

Let the other person find you.

I hope I'm not exaggerating with my thoughts here, this is a very honest opinion and I hope that person can take it as an advise. I hope that I've inspire other persons too.

Now take a deep breath and smile.