Maybe I shouldn't make a conclusion

Heart heart O heart
Why do you have to be so hideous
You are in me yet I'm blur about my own feeling
One second you said that it is love
One second you said that it is not
One second you said that it is maybe a little crush
Then another second you said that it is nothing
You said that I hate him
But then you made me feel heavenly when I saw him
Or sitting next to me
Even when he passed by without any greeting to me
Dizziness starting to fly into the air
And I don't know if I can overcome this
For I know that your game is going to be tougher
Than the one you gave me during schooldays
And sometimes
You made me jealous for someone that I don't even have a  crush on
It burdens me
For I know that it is not right
I am tired of the feelings you gave me
They had ended up mixed together
It hurts to see them
Like seeing mixed yarns leftover
No no no
I can't say anything for now
And I will take the 'for now'
Until you want to give me the real feeling
Until I can see clearly
What is inside of you
But please help me
Help me to get through this
Please stop the questions
If my life is messy
I don't want this to be the reason